my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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