had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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