I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
