I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
