i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
