You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
