dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
