the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
