This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
