I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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