I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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