I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
