your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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