he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
