She said her name was "party"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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