my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
