okay pat passed out under dana's car
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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