Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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