You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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