dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
