i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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