Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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