I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wannas sexs uuuuu
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
