Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
