It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
