she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
