I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
