There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
