just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
