Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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