I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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