why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
