You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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