yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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