I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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