I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
