i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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