Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
