This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
