I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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