you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
