remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
