I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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