I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
