life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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