i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize