we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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