The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
