Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
