apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
