4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
