you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My breasts were aching with rage.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
