I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
