Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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