I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
