I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
