You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
