Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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