the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
