He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
