curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
