i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
