so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
