I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize