1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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