Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
