Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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