i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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