she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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