I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
