I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize