You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
