Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
